just me venting a little bit.
Why the hell is my boyfriend “liking” pictures of freaking girls he used to talk to on fb?? You don’t see me “liking” stuff from my ex. Hell, we’re not even friends on fb anymore. I deleted the guy looong time ago to avoid any drama between the two. But yet, I see all these hoes that he used to talk to on his facebook. And no I’m not fucking creeping on his shit, it just showed up on my dash and now I’m fucking pissed.
Hormones?…maybe. It just pisses me off that he’ll add random girls that he doesn’t even talk to anymore, so my question is why the hell is he adding them in the first place? or maybe he is talking to them and i don’t know about it.
Maybe I’m over reacting…or maybe it’s the fact that before we started dating since we were good friends, he would always talk about this girl and how he wanted to get with her and blah, blah, blah…and maybe deep down I feel like he might still have feelings for this girl? fuck. i dk. You would think that after 4 years of us being together I’d trust him a little more that this…and maybe I would if it wasn’t for those stupid pictures from a while ago. Those pictures really fucked me up…I had never felt so angry and sad at the same time, so close to heartbreak for the first time. I told him at the time that I didn’t even know if I could trust him anymore. Looking back, I didn’t even wanna talk to him, let alone see him. It took a lot from me to talk to him after that. I think at one point I actually considered breaking up with him..but I didn’t wanna throw those years away. I guess now I realize that I never really got over that. and no matter how innocent/stupid/dumb the pictures were to him, they really hurt me and it sucks that they have made me even more insecure than before.
Maybe I’m angry cause I’m so insecure….but then I feel like he should know how insecure I am. Maybe I’m just expecting too much? Making a huge deal out of nothing?
FUCK.
Why is it that I have to be so damn insecure about myself. Why do I always let my insecurities get the best of me? Why do I let them get in the way of trusting the one I love completely? I’m afraid that he’ll wake up one day and not want to deal with me anymore. It hurts so bad that I don’t know what to do.
Maybe if it had been some girl that he didn’t want to get with before it wouldn’t be such a big deal. I don’t think they ever dated, but knowing that at one point he had feelings for her just makes it not okay. It would be like me talking about my ex to him or talking to my ex right infront of his face….
I guess that’s all my venting for today….guess i’m going to bed now.
